Discipline Issues @ 29 mths

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I blog about Yvette is generally a better behaved girl after she attended CC, but yesterday she really drove us up to the wall!!!! In fact, there is one undesirable behaviour that already driving us nut before she attended CC. She likes to put thing into her mouth. It is getting more serious after she attended CC. Haiz, while HFMD on the rise, we seriously hate to see her keeping putting into her mouth from time to time!!!

She also likes to smell her feet after removing the shoes. I don’t where she learnt this from but then arrrr….

I must admit, when come to discipline, I want Yvette to outdo our expectation. I don’t want Yvette to grow up to be someone who doesn’t want to study, doesn’t want to work. All these voice down to how I mould Yvette to be. An ill mannered child is equal to selfish, unkind, inconsiderate. We seriously think this is not someone we will like to see after 20 years.

So when come to discipline, I am hard, really very hard. Kids need discipline. It will get harder if I don’t know how to “control” her now.

I am a firm believer on spare the rod, spoil the child. Normally I don’t really smack Yvette every other day. In fact, this only happen 2-3 weeks interval or even once a month. My patience is building up too. But the way the I smack her, you might not agree.

Her undesirable behaviour started a few days ago.

A few days ago, out of the sudden, Yvette just laid herself on the floor and started to cry in NTUC. I really can’t recall what trigged the meltdown but it all end fast (but still got 5 ppl around us notice about it.) The cashier whom I know walked past Yvette and passed her some remark; Yvette quickly stood up and ran back to her. That’s how the episode ended. (One parenting tip I know is, try to distract or pre-empt the meltdown. But I tell you, this is really hard at times. You will never know your child will suddenly just sit there and create a scene.) Usually we will get stranger to help to “talk to Yvette” when the meltdown happen, it works for us. eg, the cashier just walked to Yvette and tell her, there is cockroaches. I doubt Yvette know what is cockroach, because we had never taught her. But then she quickly pulled herself up and walked to us, we knew the occurrence was going to end. )

We didn’t punish her. We talked to her over her misbehaviour as we walked home.

Yesterday, it was one of the hardest day we spent with Yvette. In the morning, she refused to brush teeth. (In fact, of late, she didn’t want to brush her teeth.) After much coaxing from Ah Yee, she finally agreed to. Everything went well till we were travelling to Stella’s place. She suddenly just lay on the floor again because I refused to pass her the camera!!! (At the point, I didn’t realize she was too tired. We were all up in the morning at 6 am due to super hot weather.)

Since it’s happened under our void deck, I pulled her up and started to pacify her. She dozed off in the cab after I nursed her.

Again, it was all well in Stella’s house till we went to my mum’s place for dinner. (Since we were already in the West side of Singapore, I decided to go to my mum’s place dinner so that we can be at home today.)

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There is this big playground around my mum’s place we found out not long ago, we decided to bring Yvette there. (Usually we will bring her there whenever we were at my mum’s place.) We have no issue over Yvette removing her shoes when she is playing at the playground. But there are things we will forbid her to do. She can’t climb up the slide when there are other children around her. We also disallow her to slide down using her body (The head will be pointing down.) instead of her bottom. This is to avoid accident to happen in the playground. We make sure she will queue for her turn too.

So far, she has been well. But then suddenly she chooses to surprise me. She used her lip and kissed the playground after sitting down on the floor. I WAS SHOCKED. I saw saliva there and I saw dirt on her mouth too. I pulled her up and give her a slap on her mouth immediately while she was still sitting on the floor. (Yes, I will usually spank the area where Yvette “mis-use” it.) How would I able not discipline her on the spot? HFMD is RISING!!! And kissing the playground is inviting the germs!!!!!!!!!!!!! First I was shocked, and then I was angry. I got upset and then worry!!!! She just recovered from fever; I really didn’t want any illness to strike her. (I know I shouldn’t punish Yvette in the public, but then I really too mad to even think!!! And I must admit I feel guilty slapping her mouth! 😦 )

Then back to my mum place, we fed her dinner after bathing her. She started to throw out food that was put into her mouth. This is not the first time she is doing it. She had been pretending to cough out the food. I will usually pass her water and ask her to swallow the food because I know she did it on purpose. Actually most of the food I gave it to her; it’s her favorite. Food like tofu, fishball, carrot, etc, she been eating them. Like this afternoon, we both know Yvette like watermelon; D fed her while she was playing the toy. She spited them out and complained too much. ALAMAk!!! D is one of the most careful people I know; it can be me but never him. He will make sure the size of the food putting into Yvette mouth is never TOO big!!! Another behavior we need to manage.

As I thought nothing bad is going to happen anymore, haiz, I would say it doesn’t rain but pour!

Yvette asked for ice cream before we left, we give in to her request. (Usually she can’t finish one ice. If the ice-cream has a cone, she usually targeting the cone, not the ice cream itself.) So I share with her. It was the last mouth and I was trying to feed her. She didn’t want it and raised her leg to push away. This act had caused the bowl of ice cream over turn and the sofa was dirtied by the ice cream. Again she got her deserved punishment by me. See I am the evil mum. D has never smacked her. I gave her 3 slaps on her leg. It was TERRIBLE. We have to clean up the place, apologies to my mum. Of course my mum was more heartache than she needs to change the sofa cover.

WHAT A DAY!!!

As for Yvette, she was already a cry baby.

On our way home, we kept explaining to her why she needs to be spanked again and again. We didn’t want her to think that we only “beat” her for the sick of doing it. She needs to be educated why this punishment is necessary. I would need to talk to her again.

Then when we reached home, before we sleep, she refused to brush her teeth again. We decided not to battle with her again more. We let her go without brushing her teeth but I refuse to nurse her before she sleep. (Nursing is more for her comfort now.)

I know I am hard, really hard. It is hard to strike a balance. I know too much of discipline will be a double edge sword. (My cousin is one of the examples!) But then if I am not doing now, I really don’t how to manage Yvette at the teenage rebellious stage!

如果我不管,不教,那是我的错。如果我管,我教,她变坏,也是我的错。This is what we know as parenthood.

HOW?

(Seriously, sometimes I feel like crying when I pen down such entry!!!)

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17 thoughts on “Discipline Issues @ 29 mths

  1. dun cry dun cry !!!

    to be kind, u must be cruel ….
    if you are nt of her upperhand now, yvette will nt know who is in control ( 难听一点) …. if you dun make sure she listen to you, she might nt learn to listen to you in the future …
    And of course us being parents, we need to them to listen to us in order to educate them properly. In fact, teaching a girl is harder as they hve mood swings and more emotionally … so JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU !!!

    • Very heartache every time when I see her crying hard after I punish her.

      yeah, I wonder why Yvette at this age got mood swing!!! She changes her mind so fast and really got us off guard from time to time!

  2. Before having a child, I used to think spanking is fine.

    Then at about 1 year old, there was a period of time my boy “experimented’ with hitting hubby or I suddenly. I realised that I can’t spank him in order to teach him not to spank. That’s when I started on positive discipline:
    – tell him what to do (in a serious tone)
    – use positive words
    – growl (learnt from Happiest Toddler on The Block)
    – time-out corner
    – once he corrects his action, reassure with “Mummy loves you” and “You are a good boy”.
    – during the day, offer big hugs and kisses for correct behaviour

    Of course, he is cranky when tired, so we have a nap and bedtime routine to ensure he gets sufficient rest EVERY DAY. In the odd day when he wakes up too early, we’d update our schedule and let him take an extra nap or go to bed super-early. This pre-empts mell-downs.

    It is important to find out the root cause of the misbehaviour: tired, hungry, bored, unwell, needs attention, or plain mischievous. For a generally well-behaved child, it is usually the first few reasons, instead of plain mischievous. So for the occasional misbehaviour, I’d be less harsh and give stern warnings.

    I’m also learning by the day as my boy turns 20 months old and becoming more challenging to handle. By nature, I’m quick-tempered. Now, I keep trying to hold my temper, so that he can learn patience and good-temper from me too.

    Let’s all learn together…. All the best! 🙂

    • I believe in positive teaching too. If not Yvette will get spanking from me all the time.

      It seems Yvette likes to be treated harshly! Roll my eyes!!!

      For example, I am trying to change her. She will be at one end, then I will call out to her 3-4 time before she submits.

      1st time: Yvette come here, mama change you. No reaction.
      2nd time: Darling come, mama want to change you. No reaction.
      3rd time: Darling, we are going out you know, come, mama need to change you. Again No reaction!
      4th time (when I started to get impatience too): Yvette come (in a serious tone), if you don’t want to let mama change you, I am going off without you. You guess what happen??? She will jump up and happily run toward me!!!

      Yes, looking for root cause of problem is always on our card. Me and D always discuss her nonsense behaviour. I also talk to my sister, SIL even my niece over all these issues. Talk to friends like Stella, Lazymummy, Sonya and Sam.

      Penning down. So that I could get advice from all of you.

  3. All the behaviour that you have penned down, my boy is also displaying. I really admire that you are taking the hard way out and implementing discipline from an early age. For me, discipline is also a necessity and the style of discipline is the parent’s choice. After all, you know and love your child best and can adjust the method to help the child be a better person. Most important is to be consistent in your method so that the child knows what to expect and is not confused by mixed signals (like now punish, next time no punish, etc.). We all learn as we go along so thanks for sharing your experiences. I now know that my boy not the only one who:
    – spit out food despite being ok tasting (he also just did that with watermelon!)
    – put hands/things in mouth
    – have meltdown over seemingly minor matter

    My husband is harder than I am and is more stern. I use a mixture of hitting for dangerous/very bad behaviour and positive teaching (like what MummysReview advocate). My boy will learn after a while (sometimes after a few months) to discontinue bad behaviour but sometimes forget or revert.

    Jia You!

    • Yes consistency is the key.

      We never punish her when we know meltdown due to tired, hungry, bored, unwell, needs attention, or plain mischievous. We talk and reason with her.
      D will always remind me that I shouldn’t punish her due to those reasons too.

      I don’t deny I have lesser patience than D but both of us are rather consistent over our punishment.

  4. Oh dear… you hang in there OK? Hugs…

    I agree that we have to be consistent, and I’m ok with spanking. I’ve spanked before, since sometimes telling the little boy “no” and explaining doesn’t seem to work. However, I must admit its not easy to spank without anger…

    And I think Mievee is right about looking at the root cause, sometimes they are just cranky and tired which starts all the meltdowns…

    Hang in there ok? Parenting is tough, but I think you’re doing an awesome job!

    • Thanks for giving me a pat on my shoulder….. I read your thought on FB, it really not easy to be SAHM…. sometimes if we outsource this duty to CC, we might feel better, Yes?

  5. Ha… the example you give on changing clothes is so familiar! Every day, I battle with son not wanting to brush his teeth, change clothes, change diapers, stop playing, etc.

    1 technique that works is going to him instead of asking him to come. Usually, he’s engrossed in 1 activity and reluctant to stop. E.g. bring potty to him to let him sit while he continues reading. This reduces a lot of frustration on my part.

    When I want to leave the room and he refuses to, I say “I’m closing the door after counting to 3. Closing the door ONE, closing the door TWO, closing the door THREE!” If he doesn’t appear, I’d really close the door, leaving him inside. All done without frustration. After several times, he knows I’m serious about moving on, so he obeys when I want to leave the room with him.

    You’re doing a great job, keep trying to see what works best with Yvette as she grows. At the same time, try to keep calm, good for our health in the long-term too. This is what my MIL teaches me. 🙂

    • Haha, just to let you know, the distance between me and Yvette when I dress her is half of the arm length. She is at her bed and I am just sitting beside it. Usually she will be lying there, refuse to move. And yeah, I learnt. I will lift her up and dress her!!! @_@

      Hey, thanks for sharing the closing door model, I am going to learn from you and try on Yvette.

      Yeah I know, every times I get angry is bad for my health as well as Yvette’s mood. I am learning!!!

    • Hey,

      Could you share with me how you deal with the brushing teething problem?

      I have the same problem too. Sometimes I have to let it go because I didn’t want to further upset her in the morning especially she need to go school!

  6. She is too young to spank her. I know cos I am 14 girl and my parents started spanking when I was 2. It worked well so they carried on but needed to hit me harder. Now my punishment at 14 is hard belting or caning on bare bottom and legs. So please do not spank her.

    • Lili,

      Are you really a 14 yo girl reading my site? I will love to hear from you! I will like to know how you are thinking. Do drop me more comment ok?

      I note your concern. In fact, I am learning to adopt more positive parenting. I am very sure I am not going to spank Yvette using belt and rod. In fact, we don’t have one at home. Our neighbour use it on their 2 yo and now he is 9. He is a very good and obedient boy. But that doesn’t mean it will work for Yvette. I am using my bare hand to spank her, so that I can feel the pain as well. (Which my heart is feeling the pain too.)

      Both me and Yvette’s Dada agree we will not adopt canning much on discipline Yvette as she gets older. As I mentioned, too much of it will be a double edge sword. I don’t wish Yvette grows up remembering me as a mum who always smack her. That why every time I made confession here, I reflect!

  7. Brushing teeth: Erm… I just try doing “silly” things to distract or motivate him, e.g.:
    – sing silly song loudly, quickly
    – say silly things like “Wow! Winnie the Pooh wants to brush teeth too! Brush brush brush brush brush brush!”
    – he likes food, so I use it as a bait. “Quick, brush teeth then we can have O-cereal! Yum yum yum yum!”
    Usually, I use a hanky to rub his teeth first since that’s easier.
    If he’s ok, I try further with toothbrush, at least brush the outer surface if possible. When he protests, then I give up and try at the next brushing session. Or just rub his teeth more frequently with hanky.

    Definitely no way for toothpaste or water gargling for him yet. Pray that he doesn’t get tooth decay at 2 years old, haha!

    • I sing too but no use…

      So instead of insist her need to brush in the morning, I will usually make her brush after her school, after her nap.

      I also scare of too decay as she still nurse for comfort in the middle of the night!

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